Going It Alone: The Virtue of Self-Bonding

Ever Get That Un-lonely Feeling?

'Never walk alone' '…a beautiful life is shared' But, first and foremost, you gotta love yourself and cherish being alone. 

I am often pegged as a “people person” and rightfully so.  I love teams, groups, family, bonding, sharing — in other words, meaningful human relationships. These soul connections inspire personal growth and make life a lot more fun.

Yet I’ve discovered another essential, powerful aspect of life that contributes to my fulfillment and ever-expanding perspective.  It is private, often quiet, and sometimes a little scary — yet it refreshes the soul.

It’s called going it alone.

There was a time when I would have been self-conscious doing “people activities” alone.  In years past I would see other men and woman going solo and wonder about them.  Did her date cancel?  Is he a food critic?  Where are their friends and family?

I now believe these solo men and women may have already understood the virtues of going it alone.  They got it.  For me, it took a painful marriage to figure it out.  I won’t go into the nasty details, but I will confess that during my darkest days and nights, I would dream and hope of being alone…and that visual was so bright, happy and fulfilling.  I missed me.

There are times when you can fully realize experiences only if you go inward.  You make the event or experience a moment that is a gift all for you.  You are completely self-absorbed, all alone, and that’s okay.  You’re not concerned about how a companion may feel, forced to coordinate multiple schedules, or navigate the differences in your personalities.  Instead, all your senses are completely present, focused and alive.

Not long ago I found myself sitting in Walt Disney Concert Hall listening to a Los Angeles Philharmonic program.  I attended the concert solo, but I didn’t feel alone.  Rather, I was overwhelmed with emotional and meaningful connections.  I was with the composer (at this concert, Bartok and Lindberg), my favorite conductor (Esa-Pekka Salonen), the glorious music, and the amazing musicians.  By totally immersing myself I could feel my soul: I was at peace, at one with myself, and felt complete.  I loved that night and the concert has remained a cherished memory — by me and only me.

Afraid to go it alone?  So was I until I missed me, got to know myself better and embraced the person I have always strived to be.  As a result I gained access to the full confidence and consciousness that comes with revelation and maturity.  I realized that the LA Phil experience was something that I craved and required on a regular basis.  I had denied myself this personal pleasure because I was concerned what others might think:  Why is she alone?  Did she get stood up?  I realize how much concern and energy I had placed on things that simply don’t matter.  Why care about what strangers might think of me?  And why assume they are thinking negative thoughts or anything at all about me?  It is self-absorbed to assume strangers have even taken notice of my presence.  I now believe my insecurities may have blocked me from those sublime, restorative and enriching encounters with my real inner self.  Could the same be true of you?

I have discovered other going-it-alone opportunities that I took for granted for many years.  Being on a plane is one of them.  I used to think travel time was wasted time.  Now I look forward to it.  It has become precious.  It is quiet me time: no phone, no Internet, just three-to-four hours in the rapture of public solitude.

A dining experience alone is another opportunity.  I now love enjoying each bite of my perfect medium-rare filet and sips of red wine, while occasionally observing and feeling the vibe of the restaurant.  I also realized that my going-it- alone experiences do not always remain just mine for very long.  As a people person, I just had to share my personal discoveries with others.

Going it alone may, at times, require that we reach deep for that extra dose of confidence and self-like.  Where’s my support group?  Who do I share with, download with, vent with?  But the personal growth and soulful loveliness that may result is powerful and lasting ‘cause…You’ve Got You Babe.  You will discover rare feelings, original thoughts, reckless creativity, and boundless clarity.  All of which may very well make you better — with people. 

Ever get that un-lonely feeling?  Embrace it.  Cherish it.  Love it.  Your soul will thank you for it.