Finally Forty

At last...completely out of balance

When I started my company at the not-so-ripe age of twenty-three I had no idea there would be so many surprising drawbacks and challenges. For one, I was ambitious and energetic, but my obvious youth was a travel liability. At the time, most car rental companies had a minimum age requirement of twenty-five. The one exception was Enterprise, but they only had offices in select major cities, and much of my travel took me to small cities and towns.

Another formidable challenge was my lack of experience. Too often I was mistaken for a sales associate or assistant, not the founder and CEO. To overcome my deficit, my first hire suggested that I carry two business cards, one as CEO and the other as Account Representative.

At the time, I suppose I could appreciate his logic. He thought some of our customers would be more receptive to me as an employee rather than a CEO with guts and in high heels. To prove his point, my employee called our main competitor and pretended to be a dealer who wanted some feedback on Sue Chen and Nova. I listened to the conversation on another phone line and was frustrated by what I heard. ‖She’s a nice girl, but so young… what does she know at her age? How can you take her or her company seriously? Then he just laughed.

I remember thinking, 

“I want to be forty! Just wait until I’m forty! Then people will take me seriously!”

Well, I’m finally forty. I’ve rented hundreds of cars, flown almost a million miles and have acquired all ―elite‖ travel statuses. I’ve met with thousands of dealers, customers, and partners, and traveled to towns and cities in almost every state in America. Along the way — I grew up.

I grimace when I think back on my twenty-three-year-old self and her anxious desire to get older fast. Good thing I didn’t step into a time machine and get my wish. I now see that becoming my true self was a transformation, not an anxious race. Each day, every year was a steppingstone in my life and for my heart, mind and soul. I had to earn it.

There is an authenticity that comes with having traveled the high and low road to forty. It’s exciting, knuckle crunching and unpredictable. It requires crossing the unpaved byways of our twenties and thirties without a map. It’s an open-road epic with empty and peopled landscapes, prairies and cities, thrills and spills — and, finally, arrival at a destination that is somewhat unpredictable.

Did I say it is fun? So much fun…a total blast! Did I say it was also painful? So painful, I didn’t know if I could bear it at times. But along the way, life has some important lessons and revelations it wants to teach us: Embrace it. Move forward on your journey.

Life Balance Does Not Exist

On the road to forty, I learned that this destination of ―Life Balance‖ does not exist.

The search for this Life Balance defined much of my twenties and thirties. I now consider the concept to be a waste of time, a mirage that weary travelers often encounter looking for that perfect oasis. Especially female travelers who have been told they can have it all — career, love, marriage and family — but it must be balanced.

I was among the millions seeking this enlightened state only to realize that it makes no sense. It’s a dumb, ridiculous word as used by Dr. Phil-types and armies of self-help authors. In my experience, striving for balance is like trying to be an Olympic gymnast, but without the skill. Imagine trying to remain very still so that upon command you can do a backflip on a balance beam without missing your mark and falling. Never fall apart. Never. Sounds pretty darn painful. In fact, the definition of balance is ―state of equilibrium. Is that what we are looking for? I say defiantly…NO.

Here’s the deal. Balance does not exist, so why try to achieve it? Once I came to that understanding I realized what I really wanted and needed: to define my life in my own terms. And guess what? The self I coveted required most of my twenties and thirties to create.

We evolve and so do the words we use to define our beings, our achievements, our states of grace and disasters. Define, Life, Terms…these are dynamic words that move and change - sometimes slightly, sometimes dramatically. What a relief to know that there isn’t some ―aha! moment waiting for us. The real Finally Forty Insight is the acceptance that we don’t have it all figured out and we never will.

I’m fine with that, more than fine, because I now know that I don’t want a balanced life. Instead, I’m looking forward to all the things I have yet to understand or discover and I intend to greet each experience with the zest, passion and wisdom I have accrued over these last couple decades. I am looking forward to my life – out of balance.

That’s the joy of finally knowing me a little better. I have the confidence to just be. As a result I can embrace the unknown, countless uncertainties and the risk-taking that comes with grabbing a larger piece of the world and defining it in my own terms. 

Small Me in a Big World

In my twenties I felt so large because my brain was mostly concerned with me — I loomed large in the world, and, surprise…that was boring. In my experience, life is so much more meaningful when I am a tiny blip in the big picture of life. At forty I am smaller and the world is bigger. That’s as it should be. I’m a minuscule part of our complex, diverse, massive and insane world. A world I love…more and more each day.

By taking the emphasis away from me, the big picture and massive mission becomes clear and present. It became my new reality. And this powerful experience was truly transformative. Relationships are rich and meaningful. Girlfriends have become sisters. Mom is my best friend. My sister is my soul mate. My business partners are brothers, and my colleagues are my mission buddies.

The Sue Chen ingénue had to be seen doing the cool thing on the weekend. At forty, a great night is sometimes sitting on the couch and getting cozy with my DVR as I catch up on favorite TV shows. My thirties demanded that I had to be in a relationship, I had to find a husband. At forty, following a divorce, I am happy and relieved to be single again.

Gratitude at forty has brought me calm, peace, clarity and a joy. I’m humbled when I realize that through the years my work has touched millions of people. And I intend to reach out to millions more, because there is so much to do.

One more thing. My younger sister tells me that in the year approaching my fortieth birthday, I finally got my superhero powers back. She says the critical powers were stripped away in my 30s, but now they’re back — stronger than ever. I don’t really believe I have superpowers. But I dream big. The vision is so clear: I want to change the world.  

By the way, I never did use the Account Representative business card.