Sharks saved my life ... what will save you?

This past February, I had the incredibly opportunity to do a TEDx Talk.  Here it is...

 

You can also watch the video here:

TEDx Talk YouTube

 

Title:  Sharks saved my life.  What will save you?

 

Overview:

 

When I hit the lowest part of my life, sharks saved me and set me on a course to save the lives of others. Everyone has their personal, contained and powerful Emotional Bucket.  You never know what you may find in your emotional bucket and how that discovery can save you and change the world.

nd unpredictable emotional bucket. You never know what you may find in your emotional bucket and how that powerful discovery can save you and change the worldnd unpredictable emotional bucket. You never know what you may find in your emotional bucket and how that powerful discovery can save you and change t

==================================================================

Hello, my name is Sue Chen and I am the founder and CEO of NOVA Medical Products, aka, The NOVA Lady.  But I’m also known as the Shark Lady.  As NOVA CEO, I have the entrepreneurial story and like a good company founder, I can tell my NOVA story.  But my shark story?  It would go like this, “So, how did you get into sharks?  What inspired you to save sharks?  ahhh?  I don't know?”

I am here today - THIS version of me, the one doing this TEDx talk because of sharks and my love for them.  I’m here to tell you how they saved my life.

Here’s our story:

At 36, I was in love and married a really cute guy, AND I was an invincible CEO.  Having started my company at 23, I felt like a seasoned veteran and quite proud of myself.

Less than a year later, I was in a miserable marriage, feeling like the most vulnerable CEO on the planet and on the brink … of what - I don't know..., but I felt like I was on the edge of a cliff - everyday.  My two great loves - my husband and my company, were now the source of a bottomless pain and darkness I had never known.

And, this was incredibly jarring for me. I'm that person blessed with good serotonin levels..., I'm that person who's usually "super positive”, ”super resilient” … Now, I felt like a Super Loser.   For the first time in my life, I was depressed.  So much so that I even wondered if it would be easier to not be around.  Yea ... me. "Super" Sue Chen thought those thoughts.  Even in my state ... I knew, This Was Bad.  I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with my husband - and my company involved in a lawsuit that could drag us way down and done.  The NOVA CEO who always carried the torch was powerless.  And, when you are in an abusive relationship, it controls you - your mind, body and spirit - past, present and future.  It's a prison.  My loved ones felt hopeless, but I could see the pain, sadness and anger in their eyes … because they could see my eyes.  I was no longer me.

Let me lighten the mood for just a moment, go back a couple of years from that point, and tell you about the first time I met a shark.  As fate would have it, on my first official dive as a certified diver, in the waters of Hawaii, the very first thing I saw was a black tip reef shark.  mmmm.... not sure what I felt, but my dive master said I was lucky to have such a very rare and epic encounter.

So, very excited about my new blue world, I was off to the Galapagos Islands in 2006 for more epic encounters.  Boy, did I have epic encounters - dolphins, mola molas, penguins, sea lions … and sharks, hundreds of them.  Was I afraid? …aahhh… Noooo…they were actually very shy, beautiful and fearful of me.

Ok...back to the lowest point in my life.  I hated being me and would often feel that from the moment I woke up to when I finally fell asleep.  As someone who doesn’t really like to sleep, now - I just wanted to close my eyes and shut down.  It was during that time, I started dreaming about sharks and THEIR suffering...not in specifics, but the devastation was a nightmare. This happened night after night … what was going on??  My brain’s current data bank about sharks consisted of consuming shark fin soup - a Chinese delicacy - at several special event type occasions, and the few dive encounters … so where did these overwhelming and powerful dreams come from?

I started waking up more and more lucid about sharks and less of my own misery.  So much so that I simply could not get sharks out of my mind or my heart.

So, while I was depressed and on that Brink - I fell in Love...with Sharks.  Never could I imagine that I would fall in love with the most feared animal on the planet. And because of that fear and the explosive demand for shark fin soup … and I mean explosive - in the last 10 years, over 500 million sharks have been killed in the most cruel manner - fins sliced off and the shark thrown back in the ocean to slowly die … So, sharks - on our planet for over 450 million years and vital to the health of our oceans - are being wiped out to extinction - for a soup. 

Love meant that I needed to do that “something" - the only way I know how, which is all in, the Super Sue way.  As I began my quest to save sharks, I started to feel emotions that were crushed and absent - passion, fight, courage…

For me and my life so far, what was happening here did not make sense.  Fall in love with sharks and want to save them? … I’ll get to that in a bit. But what also was a “first” for me was that I could not pull myself out of this place of misery.

You see, I was really good at compartmentalizing or zapping hard and painful emotions … I had some practice. My father, who was my best friend died after a long battle with cancer when I was 14. No kid is equipped to lose a parent … I do remember watching Gone with the Wind and feeling the power of Scarlett O'Hara as she pronounces, “as God as my witness, I will never go hungry again”.  We can all recall that line, but there was another great Scarlett quote, she says, "I'm not going to think about that today, I'm going to think about that tomorrow."  I thought, well, me too. I’ll use that same approach to get through the stress of my dad's illness, death and any challenge that would come my way.  I'll think about it later. Block it out. Compartmentalize.  And by doing so - I can smile, have a positive attitude, get back to being that super turbo me … and most of all - not feel the pain.

I'm not alone, most of us try to compartmentalize, block things out, rewire or rewrite the past.

There are a lot of “copping philosophies", from Scarlet O'Hara's "think about it tomorrow", to Elsa’s (of Frozen fame’s)  "let it go”.  I even found over 7,000 titles on amazon.com with Letting go of Anger or Letting go of Pain.  But is that reality? Can you really Let it Go, or Lock it away?  I believe the answer is No.  When I hit bottom and on the brink - My tried and true copping skills did not work.

Here’s why … because of your emotional bucket.

I came up with "emotional bucket" because it is a solo single container - no compartments and no release hatches.  What goes in there, stays in there - and it’s all seeped together. Your emotional bucket contains love, passion, joy… but also other big emotions such as resentment, hate, anger… These powerful emotions are cultivated, nourished, and drive how you feel, what you do and how your live.

As my passion and love for sharks gained place in my emotional bucket - resentment, and anger began to wane and I started to feel like me again.  Those emotional extremes are all in there together, but one side does prevail.

Love and Passion indeed prevailed in my life giving me the strength, clarity and courage to accept responsibility, make tough decisions and forge change.  I got out of my abusive marriage and renewed the love for my company and our mission to improve and save lives.

So far, that makes sense, when your emotional bucket is full of bad/debilitating emotions, you need to put in good/powerful emotions. 

But how are they going to get in there?  Especially when you are locked down at the bottom and not able to think about anything other than your miserable place.  Now, here is where I'm going to get "out there" and "make you think”.

Let’s go back to other “does not make sense” - Why, at the lowest point of my life, was I compelled by love - to save sharks?

I believe THAT is when a higher calling comes in to save YOU.

This calling to save sharks, that came in my dreams, night after night was not in my control, not in my plans.

Do you ever wonder why someone is on an obsessed mission … from John Feehan’s 47 years researching and furthering the cause of Dung Beetles to Phymean Nouns quest to save the most vulnerable Cambodian women and children from slavery and poverty …   I’ve worked with over 100 non-profit leaders including the CNN Heroes - people doing ridiculously amazing work and asked them what propelled them to do so much more, so obsessively… Ultimately, it was a calling beyond their control … something they could not shake.

Sure, there are experiences in life that ignite a passion or interest … I had an amazing connection and encounter with sharks, but I’ve connected with lots of animals, and didn’t feel compelled to save them … So what drives you to do more - crazy more, like you may not be in control...  Maybe there are forces at work that we do not deliberately or consciously choose...they choose us.  Maybe the world needs that random connection, that seems to be just right - perfectly matched … perfectly timed.

Maybe these forces at work need you to save something or do something beyond you, in order to save yourself.  

Now, let’s tie that back to the emotional bucket that’s been through a personal hell, which now has a healthy dose of painful emotions - permanent in the life landscape.

Once you know the landscape of Pain, you also can know the landscape of change, disruption, and the unimaginable.  Because knowing pain and having been to the “dark side” and come back, equips you to go head to head and conquer the most debilitating of emotions, and that is fear. It’s an incredible chemistry that happens in your emotional bucket when pain, suffering and misery are mixed in with passion and love … prevailing.

Maybe that emotional bucket alchemy is where human super powers come from.

And the reality is, that those higher callings may need human super powers to correct an injustice, save a species, change the world…

Our greatest human heroes have emotional buckets with tremendous pain and misery, with love prevailing.

Your Emotional Bucket is always yours, always with you and the most powerful part of who you are.  You can reach in - anytime. Because it is YOURs and no one else’s.

So, how are my sharks doing?  Well, in 2011, California was for the largest jurisdiction to ban shark fin trade AND consumption, and last year it was reported in the China Daily that consumption for shark fin soup was down in China by 70%.  My beloved sharks may have a chance … and would you believe me if I told you that they loved me back? 

In 2013, with a few fellow shark advocates, we formed Operation Blue Pride and took wounded veterans on a shark expedition to inspire our American Heroes to become Shark Heroes.  Here’s a clip of how Emma the Tiger Shark showed her affection for all of us. 

I don't know if I'll be able to save our sharks, but I'll never stop trying.  It’s the least I can do for saving my life.

We are 7.2 billion people and 8.7 million unique species on ONE planet.  ONE planet! - and as far as I know - there is no backup plan. Somehow, we need to figure out how to be together and protect our home.  The future relies on us today, so trust the Calling, and the power of your Emotional Bucket.

Last year, we lost Maya Angelou, the most beautiful voice of the human heart. 

Ms. Angelou, if I may quote you,

"Listen to yourself and in that quietude you might hear the voice of God."

Thank you.

Gratitude and Humility Can Take You to The Top of Any Mountain

As time goes on and I ease into those years when certain biological symbols of aging start to show up ... new grey hairs, blurry vision, craving for wine most of the time ... there are also nuggets of wisdom that I know were not around in my 20s.  With just hours remaining in 2014 ... if I had just two words to describe my theme for the year, they would be GRATITUDE and HUMILITY.  As my emotional bucket becomes more advanced with a healthy fill of good, bad, epic and crushing life experiences - being grateful and humble are what ties together all of the chaos in a way that makes sense and moves forward.

Living with gratitude and humility is an evolution that encompasses encounters and experiences big and small.  One that I would like to share because I actually wrote about it in the moment is my 2013 Kilimanjaro climb.

Most of my big adventures have put me in and around some form of H20.  Admittedly, climbing Kilimanjaro was not on my to-do list, but it only took a little YPO Peer pressure (and promise of cots and toilets) to get me signed up for the big climb. 

Here is the letter I wrote soon after the trip.  And, Happy New Year ... life is indeed much happier and more powerful with gratitude and humility in the driver's seat.

===================================================================================

February 26,2013

Dear Family and Friends,

I am happy to report that I made it to the Summit of Kilimanjaro!  This was by far and beyond the MOST challenging quest of my life...both physically and mentally.  Though I had tremendous respect for the endeavor of climbing the tallest point in Africa and reaching the summit of over 19,600 feet, I expected - and I imagine the people I am close to also expected, that this would be a Mission Accomplished.

 

 

Well, I was humbled...greatly humbled and felt like a speck of sand that should blow away and not exist or matter.  I feel extremely blessed and fortunate that I made it to the top and back down - safely.  I did every step of the 7 day climb with a sprang ankle that is still in "kankle" state, had altitude issues that gave me flu like symptoms and delirium that entered a mental state and place I had never known.

 

 

The daily 5 - 9 hour hikes were just warm ups (often long and painful) leading up to Summit night.  We woke up at 11 pm and started for the Summit at midnight.  6 and a half hours of taking tiny and very painful steps in the very cold and dark night - gasping for air that seemed to be disappearing - took a tremendous mental tole.  I don't know how I managed through those hours except with my guides who took care of me and sang African gospel songs most all of the way.  I didn't understand any of the words, but they kept me going and gave me faith.  At about 6 am, Christian, one of guys in my group said, "turn around" - the sun was just entering this side of the world and we were the first people to see it.  I knew we were close...so close.  We reached the Summit of Kilimanjaro at around 7:30 am and stood side by side and face to face with our sun - above Africa - the air, clouds, and everything else.  I felt of tremendous sense of personal accomplishment, insignificance and powerlessness. 

 

 

 

 

And, I did have a very special purpose.  I was so honored to be able to bring some of Chris's (Randy, my brother in law's best friend) ashes to thrive on the top of Kilimanjaro and his presence was front, center and over the top (typical Chris!). On day three during a water break, I took out his ashes and shared with my group about Chris.  We were immediately overwhelmed with a 360 degree rainbow around the sun without a drop of rain or cloud in sight. Everyone knew what had just happened and we all felt joy and lifted.  The air was as still as space at the summit and as I made my tribute and spread Chris's ashes on the top of Africa, an isolated breeze carried his ashes right back toward me and all over me.  Anyone who knew Chris would just nod and smile.  So Chris...

I will spare the rest of the Getting Down details for another time, but it was pretty darn ugly, painful and I entered the graduate level education in metal smack-down and humility.

At my most delirious mental states, most exhausted physical moments and even now - rested and reflective - I have two words to describe how my feel about my Kilimanjaro climb: Gratitude and Humility.  Without the support of my sisters who provided both the gear and layering systems/strategy for survival, my family and friends who supported my crazy quest and prayed for my well being and safety, the most wonderful Kili climb mates I could ever ask for, the incredible, gracious and loving crew who performed miracles every day that allowed to me focus on just one thing...putting one foot in front of the other - until I made it safely back to base camp, and God who gave me faith, strength and great weather...I would NOT have finished this climb.  No way, no how.

I know I will continue to download from these last 8 days and hope to become a better speck on our grand and glorious planet.

Love,

Sue

(written from Nairobi - transiting to Istanbul later tonight)

What is Happy Chaos? And Why Confess it?

Happy Chaos is what I strive and hope for in my life.  And, what a relief, because one can end up in a hamster wheel trying to find that Life Balance Black Hole that over 100,000 books and articles claim to mapped the course.  Here are a few things I know ... despite this grown up pressure to find that "life balance" and "having it all" nirvana.  

I know that life doesn't make sense.  

I know that life balance is impossible and ridiculous.  

I know I can't find that definitive place (both mentally and physically) of calm, peace and serenity.  

So, I've come up with the state of being (or place) that most accurately describes my life, and also what I constantly and continuously strive for.  Happy Chaos is that ideal and realistic combination of living out of balance and even out of control. Yet, you are in the groove, ready for disruption and curve balls, and living a life fueled with extremes and uncertain outcomes.  You are armed with wisdom, experience and courage, inspired by meaningful and crazy connections, and thrive with wild and powerful relationships. All the while ... you're happy with yourself ... from pretty cool, just OK or even sad, to elated and downright euphoric.

 

I'll never claim to have the answers to any of life's big questions.  There is however, a self-realization and self-relevance that comes with being an adult for more than a couple of decades that warrants collecting your Self Data, analyzing it and professing it.  It's like a grown up Confession that is not forced or shameful, but is earned, honest and fulfilling.

Just a few years after I started NOVA, while I was still young and dumb, I had a one off moment of wisdom and purchased this print and hung it in my office.  The print is the Chinese character for Chaos defined with "Where Brilliant Dreams are Born." It remained the only constant in my NOVA office over the 21 years.

 

 

 

Was it reminding me day after day, year after year, that Chaos is my only constant?  Yes, but it was also a wise teacher.  The print then says,

 

 "Before the beginning of great brilliance, there must be Chaos.

Before a brilliant person begins something great,

they must look foolish to the crowd."

Because of one dimensional or snap shot perspectives of me and my life via Bios, Facebook and Google, I may be perceived as a super busy, go getter type who's got a lot going on.  Some of the perception may be true on certain days and moments, but I also can be super lazy with an office always a mess and junk drawers very junky.  What I can confess and profess with pride and certainty is that I strive to Live Happy Chaos each and every day ... and what a relief.

Going It Alone: The Virtue of Self-Bonding

Ever Get That Un-lonely Feeling?

'Never walk alone' '…a beautiful life is shared' But, first and foremost, you gotta love yourself and cherish being alone. 

I am often pegged as a “people person” and rightfully so.  I love teams, groups, family, bonding, sharing — in other words, meaningful human relationships. These soul connections inspire personal growth and make life a lot more fun.

Yet I’ve discovered another essential, powerful aspect of life that contributes to my fulfillment and ever-expanding perspective.  It is private, often quiet, and sometimes a little scary — yet it refreshes the soul.

It’s called going it alone.

There was a time when I would have been self-conscious doing “people activities” alone.  In years past I would see other men and woman going solo and wonder about them.  Did her date cancel?  Is he a food critic?  Where are their friends and family?

I now believe these solo men and women may have already understood the virtues of going it alone.  They got it.  For me, it took a painful marriage to figure it out.  I won’t go into the nasty details, but I will confess that during my darkest days and nights, I would dream and hope of being alone…and that visual was so bright, happy and fulfilling.  I missed me.

There are times when you can fully realize experiences only if you go inward.  You make the event or experience a moment that is a gift all for you.  You are completely self-absorbed, all alone, and that’s okay.  You’re not concerned about how a companion may feel, forced to coordinate multiple schedules, or navigate the differences in your personalities.  Instead, all your senses are completely present, focused and alive.

Not long ago I found myself sitting in Walt Disney Concert Hall listening to a Los Angeles Philharmonic program.  I attended the concert solo, but I didn’t feel alone.  Rather, I was overwhelmed with emotional and meaningful connections.  I was with the composer (at this concert, Bartok and Lindberg), my favorite conductor (Esa-Pekka Salonen), the glorious music, and the amazing musicians.  By totally immersing myself I could feel my soul: I was at peace, at one with myself, and felt complete.  I loved that night and the concert has remained a cherished memory — by me and only me.

Afraid to go it alone?  So was I until I missed me, got to know myself better and embraced the person I have always strived to be.  As a result I gained access to the full confidence and consciousness that comes with revelation and maturity.  I realized that the LA Phil experience was something that I craved and required on a regular basis.  I had denied myself this personal pleasure because I was concerned what others might think:  Why is she alone?  Did she get stood up?  I realize how much concern and energy I had placed on things that simply don’t matter.  Why care about what strangers might think of me?  And why assume they are thinking negative thoughts or anything at all about me?  It is self-absorbed to assume strangers have even taken notice of my presence.  I now believe my insecurities may have blocked me from those sublime, restorative and enriching encounters with my real inner self.  Could the same be true of you?

I have discovered other going-it-alone opportunities that I took for granted for many years.  Being on a plane is one of them.  I used to think travel time was wasted time.  Now I look forward to it.  It has become precious.  It is quiet me time: no phone, no Internet, just three-to-four hours in the rapture of public solitude.

A dining experience alone is another opportunity.  I now love enjoying each bite of my perfect medium-rare filet and sips of red wine, while occasionally observing and feeling the vibe of the restaurant.  I also realized that my going-it- alone experiences do not always remain just mine for very long.  As a people person, I just had to share my personal discoveries with others.

Going it alone may, at times, require that we reach deep for that extra dose of confidence and self-like.  Where’s my support group?  Who do I share with, download with, vent with?  But the personal growth and soulful loveliness that may result is powerful and lasting ‘cause…You’ve Got You Babe.  You will discover rare feelings, original thoughts, reckless creativity, and boundless clarity.  All of which may very well make you better — with people. 

Ever get that un-lonely feeling?  Embrace it.  Cherish it.  Love it.  Your soul will thank you for it. 

A Great Journey Must Always Be Shared

When I started NOVA in 1993, I knew nothing. And that is an understatement, since you can’t possibly know what you don’t know. Fortunately, a wise man shared some wise advice that would shape me. He passionately told me the value of having partners; real partners with whom everything is shared. I took the advice and soon realized that it was one of the best decisions I would make in the early years. 

The journey of a lifetime is very much like a great climb or underwater exploration. All challenges inevitably lead you to the dungeon of suffering and the tower of celebration. Things will go wrong in ways you can’t imagine – and you can feel so alone. Some things will go so right – and you want to have a party. The emotional and fiscal hills and valleys of these events are not something you want to horde… alone. 

Share everything

Share everything. It will help dilute the impact of the inescapable thrills, chills, and endless hours of starting your own business. If you’re never too high, and never too low, you have the best chance of surviving the long haul. Also, in the years to come, when looking back on the grand ordeal, it is so meaningful to have a few reliable witnesses and memory banks. 

Sharing the journey is what gives life meaning, dimension, nuance and even surprise. Such as the solutions your partners envision that never would have crossed your mind. Or the humorous observation a partner risks while in the jaws of seeming defeat. These moments are too rich and harrowing to be singularly expressed or experienced. Partnering is the best, quickest and most steadfast path to wisdom and fulfillment that I have yet to discover. 

Yet sometimes a partner is not someone who literally sits with you through each tough decision. Partners are also friends, significant others, spouses and other family members. In the early days of NOVA, I had a dream that inspired me. Even so, I must confess that there were rough patches when it felt like all I was trying to do was survive. In those moments, my most important partners were also my mother, sister, and girlfriends. They were one-woman cheerleading squads who powered me through every struggle. 

As we began to fulfill the NOVA mission of helping people of all ages live beautifully and independently, I discovered that success, not just despair, is a group activity, a team sport, a group hug. By sharing the victories, I felt elevated by the company I had kept. The pride of achievement was far more glorious and memorable when I looked around me and saw the faces of my partners beaming with joy. But more importantly, it is the devastating failures and crushing blows when your partners save you, save your business and transform everything. 


The moral of the story is simple: never walk alone. Not in business nor in life. Success in any field is nurtured by community, mutual respect, dint of hard work — and the remarkable reward of sharing. 

Finally Forty

At last...completely out of balance

When I started my company at the not-so-ripe age of twenty-three I had no idea there would be so many surprising drawbacks and challenges. For one, I was ambitious and energetic, but my obvious youth was a travel liability. At the time, most car rental companies had a minimum age requirement of twenty-five. The one exception was Enterprise, but they only had offices in select major cities, and much of my travel took me to small cities and towns.

Another formidable challenge was my lack of experience. Too often I was mistaken for a sales associate or assistant, not the founder and CEO. To overcome my deficit, my first hire suggested that I carry two business cards, one as CEO and the other as Account Representative.

At the time, I suppose I could appreciate his logic. He thought some of our customers would be more receptive to me as an employee rather than a CEO with guts and in high heels. To prove his point, my employee called our main competitor and pretended to be a dealer who wanted some feedback on Sue Chen and Nova. I listened to the conversation on another phone line and was frustrated by what I heard. ‖She’s a nice girl, but so young… what does she know at her age? How can you take her or her company seriously? Then he just laughed.

I remember thinking, 

“I want to be forty! Just wait until I’m forty! Then people will take me seriously!”

Well, I’m finally forty. I’ve rented hundreds of cars, flown almost a million miles and have acquired all ―elite‖ travel statuses. I’ve met with thousands of dealers, customers, and partners, and traveled to towns and cities in almost every state in America. Along the way — I grew up.

I grimace when I think back on my twenty-three-year-old self and her anxious desire to get older fast. Good thing I didn’t step into a time machine and get my wish. I now see that becoming my true self was a transformation, not an anxious race. Each day, every year was a steppingstone in my life and for my heart, mind and soul. I had to earn it.

There is an authenticity that comes with having traveled the high and low road to forty. It’s exciting, knuckle crunching and unpredictable. It requires crossing the unpaved byways of our twenties and thirties without a map. It’s an open-road epic with empty and peopled landscapes, prairies and cities, thrills and spills — and, finally, arrival at a destination that is somewhat unpredictable.

Did I say it is fun? So much fun…a total blast! Did I say it was also painful? So painful, I didn’t know if I could bear it at times. But along the way, life has some important lessons and revelations it wants to teach us: Embrace it. Move forward on your journey.

Life Balance Does Not Exist

On the road to forty, I learned that this destination of ―Life Balance‖ does not exist.

The search for this Life Balance defined much of my twenties and thirties. I now consider the concept to be a waste of time, a mirage that weary travelers often encounter looking for that perfect oasis. Especially female travelers who have been told they can have it all — career, love, marriage and family — but it must be balanced.

I was among the millions seeking this enlightened state only to realize that it makes no sense. It’s a dumb, ridiculous word as used by Dr. Phil-types and armies of self-help authors. In my experience, striving for balance is like trying to be an Olympic gymnast, but without the skill. Imagine trying to remain very still so that upon command you can do a backflip on a balance beam without missing your mark and falling. Never fall apart. Never. Sounds pretty darn painful. In fact, the definition of balance is ―state of equilibrium. Is that what we are looking for? I say defiantly…NO.

Here’s the deal. Balance does not exist, so why try to achieve it? Once I came to that understanding I realized what I really wanted and needed: to define my life in my own terms. And guess what? The self I coveted required most of my twenties and thirties to create.

We evolve and so do the words we use to define our beings, our achievements, our states of grace and disasters. Define, Life, Terms…these are dynamic words that move and change - sometimes slightly, sometimes dramatically. What a relief to know that there isn’t some ―aha! moment waiting for us. The real Finally Forty Insight is the acceptance that we don’t have it all figured out and we never will.

I’m fine with that, more than fine, because I now know that I don’t want a balanced life. Instead, I’m looking forward to all the things I have yet to understand or discover and I intend to greet each experience with the zest, passion and wisdom I have accrued over these last couple decades. I am looking forward to my life – out of balance.

That’s the joy of finally knowing me a little better. I have the confidence to just be. As a result I can embrace the unknown, countless uncertainties and the risk-taking that comes with grabbing a larger piece of the world and defining it in my own terms. 

Small Me in a Big World

In my twenties I felt so large because my brain was mostly concerned with me — I loomed large in the world, and, surprise…that was boring. In my experience, life is so much more meaningful when I am a tiny blip in the big picture of life. At forty I am smaller and the world is bigger. That’s as it should be. I’m a minuscule part of our complex, diverse, massive and insane world. A world I love…more and more each day.

By taking the emphasis away from me, the big picture and massive mission becomes clear and present. It became my new reality. And this powerful experience was truly transformative. Relationships are rich and meaningful. Girlfriends have become sisters. Mom is my best friend. My sister is my soul mate. My business partners are brothers, and my colleagues are my mission buddies.

The Sue Chen ingénue had to be seen doing the cool thing on the weekend. At forty, a great night is sometimes sitting on the couch and getting cozy with my DVR as I catch up on favorite TV shows. My thirties demanded that I had to be in a relationship, I had to find a husband. At forty, following a divorce, I am happy and relieved to be single again.

Gratitude at forty has brought me calm, peace, clarity and a joy. I’m humbled when I realize that through the years my work has touched millions of people. And I intend to reach out to millions more, because there is so much to do.

One more thing. My younger sister tells me that in the year approaching my fortieth birthday, I finally got my superhero powers back. She says the critical powers were stripped away in my 30s, but now they’re back — stronger than ever. I don’t really believe I have superpowers. But I dream big. The vision is so clear: I want to change the world.  

By the way, I never did use the Account Representative business card.